You know how wild imagination can sometimes reach the point of real intense emotion? I have the strange ability to use it every few days.
Take for example yesterday. I was peacefully driving my car when I randomly started thinking about what would happen if I had an accident. I considered various possibilities. The one that scared me most was this: I imagined being completely paralysed - being able to think and feel and understand but never being able to express. I spent the rest of my long Delhi road analyzing my almost visceral reaction to the possibility. It hit me that what I had only known vaguely about myself for so long was more real than anything else I have ever known... expressing myself is the single most important thing to me. And no, its not really about how or if someone else understands. Its the mere ability to write, to speak.
The people I connect with best are those that give me that space - who simply listen. I feel most alive with people who read me like they would read a book - with an attachment so intense yet so impersonal.
Wow... I relate to this so much. Do you remember me telling you that I have a habit of daydreaming? In most of my daydreams, I only visualize "negative" scenarios.
ReplyDeleteI listen to every word you say - very carefully. When I read a book, I am only conscious of my OWN emotional response; I am blissfully unaware of what the author was feeling. However, when I "read" you, I have the strongest desire to understand you.
Do I give you enough space?
Yes you do :)
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